David Quillinan’s Wife’s review of Facebook Home thingy…after a couple of cocktails……TOO

 

Okay – so let’s put this in perspective – this is my first time writing about anything even remotely technological….I am Chef Dave’s Wife — I am a mother of four working full time and then some…….and every night my brilliant husband talks about his passion for all things Android (notice I didn’t say Droid…) three quarters of it goes right over my tired head….

I love my Galaxy SIII…..I love how I have it set up…..last Mother’s Day I was given an IPhone 4S – and it was great – but two months later I was back to an Android something or rather — I am an Android girl…..I love my big clock, my widgets (honey aren’t you proud of my terminology ….I do pay attention)  and my BIG ASS calendar that tells me for which meeting I am always running a little late for……….and, of course, currently, my Candy Crush Saga…

I love my Facebook – I check it every morning if for nothing more than  to see who else is doing more with their life than I am, which posts Dave and I will obviously discuss over coffee or if I am going to come in to a big sum of money for sharing a status…

Last night Chef Dave excitedly installed the Facebook Home App on my phone……24 hours later here is what I am thinking…again keep it in perspective…a thirty something professional on a Saturday night after afew cocktails so you are getting it straight up….

1) I like the big pictures.  Okay — cool.  Very pretty on my big screen.

2) The big pictures don’t seem to even be in chronological order – come on – I already saw that Carrie was going to get her haircut yesterday – where are the results???

3) TOO MANY STEPS!!!!  I have a password on my phone for no other reason then my network at my job won’t communicate with my phone for my favorite phone thing ever – my calendar – unless I have a password – so now I need to figure out how to get off the big pictures and find my perfectly organized home screen to check where I am supposed to be –  to know what time it is…..or even more importantly figure out if I have any more lives in Candy Crush……..I need that three second time period!!!  If I am even looking at my phone it is because everyone is at least satisfied – no one needs a diaper change, a referee with the XBox controller or a refill on the healthy snacks…….Those three seconds are MINE dammit!!!!

4) I also can not figure out who is messaging me when……..I have very important things to discuss, like who actually broke free and made it out last night, or what time I need to pick Laura and the boys up for the birthday party tomorrow — again – refer to number three – now I am just pissed and confused by the time I get where I need to be……..

5) For the first time tonight I bought clothes for our two year old off the ever popular Mechanicville – Stillwater Clothes buying page on Facebook — and the messages that were popping up were so two hours ago!!! I might have missed out on the $20 lot of 3T summer clothes simply because Facebook Home refused to update to where my actual Facebook app was…thank goodness I know the woman that is selling and the clothes are secure for a Monday transaction…phew

6) Sometimes when I pick up my phone the cool big pictures are there…..sometimes they are not and I am taken to my usual lock screen…….I like consistency and this is not……..go figure….

7) I am imagining sitting at the end of a meeting when everyone is trying to schedule a follow up meeting to this meeting to discuss the last meeting…….I envision myself pulling out my cool phone with my kick-ass owl cover and having to navigate through a girlfriend who has found the root of all her problems through posting some inspiring quote and having to get to my favorite feature ever –  my big calendar – or at the doctor’s office with three kids sneezing and pulling on my legs with four people behind me after having already been there for two hours and oh – imagine that – someone decided to post the newest dirtiest lyrics out there and they are showing up on my phone before I can figure how to get to my calendar…….

8) Graphically – I love this – is it an app?? – as I said before, love the big pictures, the font is perfect in size and type, overall it looks really nice – but the functionality does not suit my life at this point…….

So maybe I am old.  Maybe I am not the typical Facebook fan – I only accept friend requests from people I at least have some connection with……..maybe with another week I would adjust to it…..but overall….I don’t  care enough about Facebook or its big pictures and font selection to keep this on my phone or purchase a phone centered around this app…..

I told Chef Dave I would try it for the weekend, but I am off to refill my cocktail and ask him how to take it off my phone…24 hours is enough……no worries – I still love my Facebook………maybe a Candy Crush Home would be worth the navigation…….Damn you chocolate squares